There are some guys who can have an affair and never feel a moments guilt. Perhaps the marriage is terrible and she is a tramp or abusive, perhaps it’s an open marriage and everyone is game. It may even be that the guy is just an unfeeling cad. On the other hand, there are men who are in terrible relationships with horrible women and still have tremendous guilt when having an affair. There is hope for those of us who feel the pains of guilt when engaged in extramarital dalliances. Compartmentalizing the affair can make great strides in the fight against guilt.

What It Means To Compartmentalize

Compartmentalization is an unconscious mental defense people use to isolate parts of their personality or thoughts that do not coincide with the existing morals and values. This little mental trick helps when things get to sticky in life and while it is most often done subconsciously, it is possible to use the technique intentionally to curb feelings of guilt when enmeshed in an affair. People who compartmentalize an affair, have the ability to be one man with his wife and family and an entirely separate man with his girlfriend. The entire situation is context driven. When in one situation there are no thoughts or feelings of the other situation, relationship or woman. For some this talent comes easy. Others must work at it in order to pull it off.

Cops, soldiers, and emergency workers are all people who can compartmentalize easily. They are able to set aside the horrors of the moment and deal with the emergency at hand. We all show a degree of compartmentalization when something drastic happens. If a fire starts, we can put aside the shock and horror at what is happening, and instead of becoming a screaming insane person, get ourselves and loved ones out of the house. If a car hits your child while riding a bike, you put aside the panic and do what you have to do. In any emergency situation, people use compartmentalization to be able to function under pressure. It is the same concept behind compartmentalizing an affair. Put the two distinct areas of your life into a box and deal with them separately.

Steps To Compartmentalize Your Affair

The first step in being able to effectively compartmentalize an affair is to learn how to push it further and further from your mind when in not actively with your mistress. When most people have an affair, the first few days are the hardest, especially if you are feeling guilty. The urge to confess is often overwhelming. Stifle the urge by telling yourself you will think about it later when you are alone and can rationalize better. It will be difficult at first. Your mind will constantly touch and retreat from the memories and thoughts of your affair. Each time it happens, just repeat to yourself that you will think about it later. Push it into a box in your mind and close the lid.

The next step is to compartmentalize your feelings. Not just feelings about the affair but feeling in general. It’s imperative to be able to close your mind when emotion threatens to overwhelm you. Falling in love with your mistress is a very real threat and usually something men are not prepared for. No matter how much warning they receive, no one ever thinks they will develop feelings for the other woman. Unless you were planning on destroying your marriage from the start, this isn’t a good thing. Compartmentalizing your feelings for the mistress keeps hurt at bay for both of you.

Rationalizing and compartmentalizing are all parts of being human. Using these techniques allows us to carry on in life when we don’t particularly agree with our own actions or what’s going on around us. It is a coping mechanism that can be used for good or for evil. It can help us cope with the bad things we do and that are done to us. Does that mean its ok? What it means is that it is an ingrained human response. The beauty and the horror are the same, however, and that is you don’t know you’re doing it until its already done on most occasions. For many, trying too hard to compartmentalize will make the task that much harder. It happens naturally and so let it happen as naturally as possible. Use the delaying techniques until your own mind and subconscious take over.

When you are ready to deal with your affair, if that time should ever come, you will know it. It is at that point, and only that point, that you will be able to safely deal with the inner workings of your affair without drama ensuing. Trust yourself to know when the time is right.