You always hear other guys talking about their crazy ex-girlfriends and you may even have some stories to share yourself. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to recognize the signs when you’ve got yourself sunk into a relationship with someone who turns out to just like you, but seems to have an obsession. It’s one thing for your girlfriend or wife to ask why you’re coming back home at three in the morning, or for your spouse to not want to hear you rave about how great your ex was in bed. It’s another entirely when you pick up a girlfriend or mistress who wants to keep tabs on you all day long, belittles you, guilts you, and takes advantage of your feelings at every turn in order to satisfy her own emotional needs. Here are some warning signs that the girlfriend you picked up on the side is a relationship you need to back right out of.

1. She Regularly Tries to Manipulate or Guilt You

Naturally, if you’re going to be regularly seeing your mistress you both have a good connection. Otherwise, she’d be just another one night stand you saw for a good time and never went back to. If you’re dating on the side, she’s a girlfriend and she’ll want to spend some quality time with you as well as time in bed. There’s a line, though, and it gets crossed when every time you try to go home she goes to any and all lengths to get you to stay. She might butter you up with another quickie, and then cry when you go to leave and beg you to spend the night with HER for once. Or make you feel guilty every day you can’t see her.

2. She Goes from Demeaning to Flirty and Apologetic Very Quickly

One minute, your girlfriend is going on and on about how whipped you are by your wife and kids, how they mistreat you and you just let it happen, and that it’s not even worth spending time with your kids when you could be using more of your free time to see her. The moment you shift from upset or annoyed to angry, it’s like a switch flips and suddenly she becomes incredibly apologetic and flirty, promising to make it up to you with any manner of favors. And then the same situation happens again, and again, and you start to get exhausted very quickly by the entire act. This is emotional abuse, and it’s not something you should have to put up with.

3. When You’re on Your Phone, She Becomes Violently Upset or Cries

No matter what age, there will always be people who have bad past experiences or childhoods that leave them cripplingly dependent on attention from others and extremely jealous of other people who are “invading” their time with their partner. If your mistress has a tendency to act this way, you may have noticed one of the most prominent times she throws a fit is when you’re on your phone, whether you’re talking to your wife or a coworker, or even just telling your kid when you’ll pick them up from school. Their jealousy gets the best of them and whenever you take out your phone, they’ll do anything from strip to cry to scream to get your attention off the screen and on them.

4. She Tries to Talk You Out of Social Events You Need for Cover Because You Can’t Go with Her

Maintaining a long term affair means playing the part of husband at home, no matter how much you’re thinking about your girlfriend and trying to ignore any nagging or hostile behavior from your spouse. Sometimes, it’s going to entail doing your part in the typical family activities like going to events, visiting family, seeing friends with your wife, and if you have a family, taking part in activities that involve your kids. If your girlfriend becomes unusually upset every single time you plan to go out with your wife or family, take that as a red flag. What you’re doing plays a huge role in keeping your affair secret and her fighting you every step of the way is not a good sign.

5. She Frequently Talks About Hurting Herself if You Ever Leave

Some guys might call you “whipped” for staying in a relationship with a woman who tries to guilt and bully you, but it’s no easy task to up and walk away from someone who threatens self-harm and suicide if you leave them. This is a really serious issue that you may need to seek professional help for, and utterly jeopardizes your relationship’s secrecy. There’s a lot of guilt that can weigh down on you when a girlfriend tells you it will be your fault when she hurts herself, or worse. If you truly believe she’s on the path to serious harm, you need to get in touch with someone who can offer her help with her mental state and prevent her from getting hurt.