Let’s face it – some people are designed for monogamy, and some people are not. Scientific studies have suggested that up to 40% of us, both men and women, are wired for more interest in variety than for bonding with just one person until death do you part. Divorce statistics reflect that truth but there’s no need to put a period to your marriage just because you’re realizing you’re not cut out for long term monogamy. Whether you’re looking for affairs with the knowledge and permission of your spouse, or you’re looking for ways to relieve tension under the table so that you can stay in your marriage, an affair can spice things up not just with your new partner, but with your old one, too.

Caveat time: if you can talk about this with your partner, you should, and if you’re keeping it a secret, you’re obligated to do a good job of keeping the secret and be sure you’re keeping things safe with anyone you get involved with outside your marriage. There’s no worse way to let your spouse know you’ve been cheating than a shared gonorrhea diagnosis.

So, don’t bring home any diseases… but there are a lot of positive things you can bring home from an affair.

Breaking Out of the Rut

One of the great things about being in a steady long-term relationship is that, contrary to jokes about how marriage is the end of exciting sex, you’ll get laid a lot more when you live with your lover and share a bed than you ever did as a swinging single. It’s just easier – there’s no concern about roommates, awkward scheduling or wondering who you’ll wind up with after a night at the bar. On the other hand, especially if you have children, sex with your spouse can end up turning into just one more obligatory chore. Nothing kills passion faster than feeling like it’s on your checklist between bathing the dog and vacuuming the carpet.

Affairs aren’t like that. They’re something entirely outside your long-term routine. They force you to go back to those days of scheduling and planning for a moment together, and by doing that they can bring back the excitement and spontaneity of sex. That excitement doesn’t have to begin and end with your outside partner. Once you’ve recaptured your sense of romance and passion, there’s no reason you can’t bring that home, too.

Try Some New Chemistry

If you’re losing interest in your spouse, you’re not the only one. Declining interest in long-term partners is one of the most common issues to cause problems in previously content marriages. The reason, studies suggest, might be down to chemistry… human biochemistry, that is. Attraction isn’t just about shared interests and looks. It’s also about how you react to your lover’s unique body chemistry. Spending too long with the same person can start to desensitize you and decrease your reaction to their once alluring scent. How can you fix that problem? Do you have to leave them for someone whose sexual attraction is new and unique? Not at all.

You can bring the spark back just by exposing yourself to others’ body chemistry. A fling or two can re-sensitize you, giving you the ability to react to your spouse’s pheromones the way you did when you’d just met.

Level Up your Planning Skills

It takes precision, thoughtfulness and keen planning to balance more than one lover. Anyone who’s juggled dates with more than one significant other knows how tough it can be. Because it’s a challenge, though, it’ll bring back those skills you needed when you were on the dating market. Timeliness, thoughtfulness, and taking on planning responsibilities will impress your spouse just as much as they impress your lover. Since you’re practicing already, why not plan to take your spouse out too?

**Just one warning** – don’t plan nice nights out with each of them at the same place. Waiters remember, and one misplaced word can blow your cover big time.

Make Yourself Attractive

It’s not just biochemistry that can suck the initial interest out over the course of a long-term live-in relationship like you have with your spouse. Old-fashioned laziness plays a role. It’s easy to stop bothering to clean yourself up and make yourself look good for your spouse, and if you don’t put the effort in, your attractiveness goes downhill. If you’re putting yourself back on the market, even if you’re only looking for short-term flings, you’ll have to put that effort back in. That doesn’t just make you look good to people looking at your dating site profile. It makes you look good to your spouse, too. Good grooming and attention to style can make a big difference, so don’t despair – you can get the benefits of looking your best even if you’re not the type to diet and hit the gym!