Why We Have Affairs Q and A

Why-We-Have-Affairs-Q-and-AThere are plenty of reasons why people have affairs. According to various research I conducted on the net, I’ve uncovered that in the majority of married couples one partner will in fact cheat on their spouses at some point during the course of their relationship.
Along the way, I put together some crucial Q and A’s to help you understand the reasoning behind affairs and share some much needed advice for those that require it.

Q. Is there some sort of pattern to look out for on how affairs begin?

A. People who cheat do it usually because something is missing in their current relationship. They might have a dull sex life or they’re constantly arguing with their partner.

So firstly, if your marriage is on rocky ground or is lacking that certain je ne se qua – that might be all it takes to start a ‘pattern’. The sort where you accidentally meet someone who looks like they could want to get down to business in the bedroom, or that seems to understand where your coming from when your wife doesn’t, and you start chatting over the net and before you know it your balls deep in an emotional affair that you wouldn’t mind turning into a physical one.

Most people aren’t looking for an affair, but end up involved in one. Instead of ending their marriage due to kids, stigma or financial burdens, they stay and settle for an affair to make life bearable. Affairs give the people involved things that they are looking for like good sex, companionship and confirmation that its not then that has fucked the marriage up. They think that by having an affair they have solved the problem, not really thinking about what lies ahead, living in the moment because now their feeling okay, needs are being met and problem solved right?

Q. Can it last?

A. No – it never lasts! Trying to please two women at once, as well as yourself just cant work! In the beginning its fun and exhilarating, but when it comes down to it, the longer the charade goes on, the worse it will be in the end. In an affair, you will find yourself being pulled in a lot of different directions, and the chance of long term sustainability is virtually nil.

Q. Do most people get caught?

A. Yes – yes they do! Especially if you haven’t read our 10 Step Guide to finding and maintaining an affair online, which basically schools you on how to avoid getting caught. However, most guys haven’t been lucky enough to read it, or else have become overly confident about their stealthy ability to keep it all on the DL.

Q. Should you fess up if you’re racked with guilt?

A. No!!!! This is one of the most important things to keep in your mind when your being routinely questioned about your whereabouts, and weather or not you’ve been cheating on her because you didn’t answer your phone for 3 hours despite saying you where only popping down the pub for a few cheeky beers with the boys.

Secondly, not only will your confession hurt your partner, it will envelope them in grief. This will cause a chain reaction of events that will result in her being unable to trust you from that moment on (which she can’t) and the safety net she felt was surrounding her with your presence will evaporate leaving her ultimately feeling unsafe when around you.
Instead, what you need to do is decide if you want to keep cheating. If the answer is yes you need to decide if you want to stay married and continue to cheat or just end it. Your feelings here are associated with guilt about wanting to keep doing it. If you cant imagine life without them, hence the guilt (genuine guilt, remorseful guilt) make a fresh start and devote your time to being sorry and making it up to your partner.

Q. When men have affairs and decide to leave their wives for the ‘other women’ do they stay with her or is it just a way to end their relationship?

A. Apparently there are 17 reasons why people have affairs, and the question above addresses only one of them.
This type of affair has been called many things, one of which is; ‘The Ejector Seat Affair’ People who start an affair of this kind, use the pseudo relationship as a way of getting out of, or ending their marriage.
Leaving a marriage can be scary. Some people just dont have the guts to just say ‘ Its over, I cant live like this anymore!’ and walk out. By having an affair they hope that somehow it will just end things, by either being caught out or found out or even somehow give them the courage to finally end it.

Q. What is the ‘See if’ Affair?
A. Sometimes people go into affairs to see if they can find what’s missing somewhere else and if they do find it, did it make the difference they hoped it would.

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Q. What about the ‘Heating-up your marriage’ Affair?

A. This type of affair isn’t consciously sort out. People don’t go looking for something outside their marriage to heat up what they have, instead both men and women usually head to the sex shop for a dildo and a porn, but sometimes when they get into an affair, it either ignites their passion again for their partner or else the spouse finds out and it makes the couple become more passionate towards each other as a result.


Q. Is that a good strategy?

A. Hmm. I don’t think any of these are great strategies, but I would like to think that behind all of this advice there is some hidden wisdom if you wade through the bullshit. Its still cheating, it may or may not make your wife super horny, but their are elements of hurt and betrayal laced with that engine rev!

Q. What about the ‘I just need to indulge myself’ Affair?

A. Having an affair because you need something for yourself, isn’t exactly a classy thing to do, but if we don’t take care of our own needs and wants, who will? Affairs can be a reward for all your hard work for no praise and can also be a way of coping with life and the things we don’t have.

Q. I’m interested by the ‘Lets kill this relationship and see if it comes back to life’ Affair. What is that?

A. This is another type of affair that comes about unconsciously. The idea behind this affair is that once discovered it will either make the marriage sink or swim.

Q. The ‘Having experiences I missed out on’ Affair.

A. Affairs of this nature lean towards the cheater who hasn’t had a whole heap of experience with different partners or have been stuck having the same missionary sex in the dark for extended periods of time, and them wanting to feel something different between the legs.

Q. What’s a ‘Mid-Marriage Crisis’ Affair?

A. Marriages can become stale over time and others are riddled with problems that leave the recipients frustrated and bored. So why not have a discreet affair. Affairs are a way to spice up your boring existence because day to day your life sucks.

Q. I cant choose, I don’t know who to stay with!

A. Skewed views on both wife and lover wont help you make an informed decision on who’s right for you – long term.

When you’re with your mistress, its romantic and passionate and sexy and cool and your not pressured, you can be that guy! But unfortunately like any new relationship that lacks the daily grind of life and the pressure it swallows you into, your not living in a bubble! New becomes old, that thing you like that they do when their blowing you is old hat.

In the same way wives aren’t as grim as they seem. If you gave her the attention and time that is being drained via your lover and your persistent whining, she might actually start seeming less like a dragon lady and more like the women you fell in love with.

Q. Are you still optimistic about marriage after reading everyone sad stories about the state of their marriages?

A. Yes – there is always an exception to every rule. Problems in marriages can even be solved even after an affair. So marriages inevitably end because of affairs, but some become even stronger because of it.

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